Untangled Beauty

“ Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves.”
I Peter 3:3-4

Got a new haircut yesterday and with it much attention. So many compliments it makes me dizzy! My inner bohemian that has been slowly oozing out over the last few years has officially broken out of hiding and I feel creative, very sexy and beautiful. And I LIKE the attention!

I sat with God with this this morning, fearing my pride and vanity. I asked Him, “Lord, do I need to be humbled? Maybe should I go bathing suit shopping?” He gave me the above verse this morning as one of His responses. Funny thing . . . it wasn't in a “Knock it off!” tone at all! I heard it in an entirely new light. (Actually, this whole passage written around wives submitting to their husbands is quite exciting in this new light. It is a passage heavy with religious baggage that I really believe robs women of the intended freedom it offers. But that is a whole can of beans for another time!) He was pointing me back to where my beauty comes from, not telling me my outward adornment or feeling beautiful on the outside was wrong. In fact, you need not look too hard to find that God is really quite into unabashed and powerful beauty; oceans and thunderstorms being two such examples. He was encouraging me and reminding me of the deeper inspirations for this haircut.

For me the haircut is an expression of the inner freedom and beauty that I have in Christ. It is what gave me the boldness to chop my hair off in the first place! Really. A cut like this would have scared me even a month ago. It feels powerful, in a way, and seems to me to make a bold statement. Other women I have known can pull it off, but I never felt I could. Could it be a rebellious act to chop your hair; a way to prove power and independence? Well sure it could. It depends on the heart motive. That is not my story. I have so often been paralyzed with fear over what others would think of me in so many areas of my life that it has often caused me to be timid in places God was clearly leading. But Jesus is working in deep places in my inner self that resemble the story of Rapunzel in the Disney movie "Tangled".

Rapunzel left a safe tower built by fear and control. She had a severe codependency on that which really stole from her though it looked and felt like love and security. When she jumped from the tower out into the unknown wild, she discovered her real identity, the love of her real family, and the freedom to live and be a strong leader in her Father's Kingdom. In the movie her haircut represented her inner life, freedom, love, and the sacrifice that freed her from her slavery. (Hmmm . . . kinda gospelish?)

And so you see the verse He gave me today was Him expressing His delight in my beauty, both inner and outer. I want to scream my delight in Him out to the world and say, in unabashed confidence, “I am beautiful because Christ delights in ME!!!” It is a funny thing that happens to my pride when I soak in His delight for a period of time. This performance driven, people-praise seeking girl begins to care less what others say or don't say because the glory of that people-praise pales so to the glory of the beautiful Him who adores me more than anyone can. I can have a quiet, confident, God-reverent spirit resting in the truth that He is at work making me like himself. And He is quite unsettling, so if everyone likes me, maybe there is something wrong! I become a woman who's pride is in His delight and glory and who rests in his ability to mold me into a dangerous beauty. I might even be a bit vain about it!

This is not a new growth spurt for me. I've been here before and have really only begun to quit reacting to this repeated growth with the thought, “Again, Lord? Geesh, I should have learned this by now!” No. His growth process may feel like a never ending circle, but is is actually a spiral going ever deeper with each rotation. It seems He keeps leading me to discover new pieces of me stuck in towers. And Jesus beckons to those pieces of me in hiding and dares them to leave the tower with Him. The invitation comes again and again.

Such is the life lived in relationship with Christ. Ever deeper living into all He has done for us. And this is not about hard work and striving, trying harder to change outer behavior and appearance. It is way more about resting and trusting and following the Prince into the great outdoors of his freedom, grace and love. It is real inner change that lasts. (A gentle, quite spirit that rests in Christ's strength can look pretty dangerous from the outside!)

Tonight I will likely find myself reviewing my compliments on facebook and admiring my pictures, but I know my heart can rest knowing He is doing the inner work in me that counts and I'd be beautiful to Him even if I were bald! That is truly humbling. My vanity doesn't stand a chance!

So are there inner towers in your heart with pieces of you hiding out there? Can you hear the invitation of the Prince today? The invitation is ringing from deep inside where the Spirit dwells. “Come out of the tower. Come live your life as a dangerous beauty with Me!”

Go on, I dare ya to jump!